February 26th – March 6 2018

On a whim I booked flights to Hawaii. 

I asked Thor if he’d join me if I covered the flights and he unenthusiastically said yes. What a guy, I know. Barely appreciative of his sometimes sugar mama. Flights were nice and cheap, like less than $500 each. But that’s not why I wanted to go. 

You see, my favourite singer was going on tour, not performing anywhere near me, and it was all the excuse I needed. Hawaii was never tip top of my list of places to see, but we enjoyed ourselves and appreciated the break from home-life. And the show was killer amazing best concert of my life.

I chose accommodation as far away from Waikiki as possible. Haleiwa is directly across the island on the well known north shore, yet it was refreshingly quiet and quaint. We stayed near Pupukea and Waimea Bay, in a lovely small airbnb with a squishy bed and hot shower. It was pretty private, up on a hill with a warm breeze and sunset views. We had everything we needed and self catered for the most part. Just down the hill was a small market store offering all the necessities. We would frequent the Foodland almost daily for snacks and fresh produce for meals, and ended up getting their discount keychain that still adorns my keys. It’s funny how memories are so engrained with smells. Like I can smell how the strange cleaners, mixed with rotisserie chicken would waft at you as you walk in to the air-conditioned store. I think I was a grocery store in previous life. I remember eggs were heinously expensive. Meat was similar to home. And some off island produce was insane.

We had a day to kill before the concert, and found a deserted beach at the end of a road called Farrington, across from the Dillingham airstrip.  The sand was gorgeous – clean and powdery, with steep, Jurassic park-esque  hills in the distance. I lay under my umbrella reading while Thor snorkelled with turtles. The water was freezing though, and I didn’t go in. I don’t remember going in at all actually…

Laniakea Beach, turtle beach, was just a stones throw away. And one of many things on my list of “tourist shit” things to do. As we drove past day after day we figured we should stop and see what all the fuss was about. Well, turtles obviously. It felt like a circus. The crowds were going berserk over the poor turtles, signs were everywhere telling people to give them space, not to touch them and other seemingly obvious courtesies.

Another day on the north shore we went for a glider ride! The most random things, things I never planned on doing in my life. It was lovely, but I definitely thought I was going to die, and I got more motion sick than ever before in my life. Once we were towed up in the air, and the main plane let us go, it left like we dropped 20 feet and my stomach kept going. I was sweaty and dizzy, but it was quite beautiful up there! 

So I had a nap back at the house after, and continued to feel terrible the next day as well. Luckily Thor is quite capable of entertaining himself, and found some random people on craigslist that were willing to take him fishing. He didn’t get robbed or murdered, and even brought home a mahi mahi for dinner! We had delicious tacos, with fresh pineapple salsa, chilis and soft corn tortillas from good old Foodland – enough for two nights.

So we continued on with varyingly disappointing experiences, all in great fun of course. You can’t take life too seriously. We have a common sick sense of humour if you can’t tell. So next up was Matsumoto Shave Ice. Insane lineups for not that great shit. Sorry ya’ll. It’s like gross fake syrup and ice. And condensed milk. I couldn’t do it. People love this shit. The line took us a solid 20 minutes to get through, and the staff were working like a fine tuned machine, i’ll give them that much. Lines out the door, merch covering every square inch, and hoards and hoards of people. Mind blown. 

My tag line became “you can’t leave Hawaii without: ” 

Next up, Dole Plantation. Honestly, probably my number three experience after the show and Dillingham Beach. We went twice for the dole whip. The first time just as they were closings it was delightfully abandoned, sun was setting and there were no lines. I hate lines. Life is too short. The whip was nice, pineapple-y, not too sweet. I enjoyed how novel the pineapples were growing, its just a bizarre plant in general. 

On the last day we hit up Leonards Bakery in Waikiki for some of their famous Malasadas. A light airy doughnut rolled in sugar, sometimes filled. Delicious and would 100% recommend if you love doughnuts like I do. Lines were a bit nutty, and parking was scarce. Still go though.

Before our flight home that night we met up with one of Thors school chums that was on holiday from Australia. They hadn’t seen each other in a coons age of course, and had loads to catch up on of course. We had drinks by the pool at their hotel, then later wandered the tourist stalls on the main strip. Waikiki in certainly another world compared to the rest of the island. Would I go back? Maybe, more likely to another smaller island, but still just maybe. It was lovely, and very relaxing, but its still America.